This weekend I went on a Women’s retreat to a small little town a few hours from where we live. One of the little restaurants in the town has lots of fun sayings painted on their walls. One of them stuck in my head and made me laugh…”Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate!”
I say a hearty amen to that…but, it is absolutely no reflection on how I feel about my husband or marriage. It also isn’t that I like chocolate more than love.
Ladies, we do not “fall” into love. Sure, there are some of us who had an instant attraction to our husband. Some of you may have felt like it was love at first sight. But almost without exception all married couples spent at least some time getting to know each other and laying a foundation for their relationship before tying the knot.
Let’s face it though, the butterflies we felt every time our husband walked into the room when we were dating and first married do diminish over time. I’m not saying I don’t still get them…I do! But to live each day expecting to feel warm and fuzzy every moment in my marriage and life is totally unrealistic!
Just as we do not “fall” into love, we cannot fall out of it. If we are not careful though, we sometimes make choices that can cause us to grow apart. Marriage can be challenging, difficult, overwhelming and possibly at times the situation may even seem almost unbearable. There are many women who feel like walking away and not looking back, but the women who have guts, strength and commitment, do stick it out…and reap the rewards.
May I encourage you to look for the moments to treasure in your relationship with your husband. Don’t look for the warm fuzzies, don’t expect him to bring home special surprises for you all the time (consider yourself very blessed if he does), and don’t expect him to romance you all the time.
As women, we tend to focus on what HE does (or doesn’t do) to show his love and be romantic. Guys aren’t built that way though. When things are feeling especially cold between the two of you, be honest and ask yourself what you have done lately to show your love. The answer may surprise you.
Men and women are built so differently. When a relationship is new it doesn’t take much for him to please you, but as time goes on women tend to look for more from their husband than he is really built to know to offer. Remember, they really cannot read your mind or magically know what you want, need or expect, you have to actually talk about those things with him (but make sure they are realistic before you approach him).
Pray about any issues you feel the two of you have in this department, do not focus on your needs, but try to look outside yourself and make sure that you haven’t developed an attitude of disrespect, frustration, animosity, etc. That will absolutely affect the way you feel about your marriage, and as “half the party”, that can make all the difference in the world!